So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
