My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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