So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
