How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
