it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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