Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
