I want to have your abortion
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
