I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We left the knife in your bed.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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