Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
