remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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