Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
