This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
