Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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