Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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