Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
