I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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