i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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