I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
