Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
