I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
