So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
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You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
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Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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