Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
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I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
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I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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