My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
