Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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