i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
