i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
