Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
