i think my tv is drunk
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just found puke in my bra..
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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