How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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