what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
