Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
