Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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