oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
