do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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