your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
