Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
