ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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