bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
