Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize