I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
