its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
