Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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