I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
