They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm bleeding and have questions
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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