There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
high people should be assigned attendants
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
