Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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