At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
