My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
