Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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