An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
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IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize