Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
