got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
