Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
