Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
