why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
