No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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