So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
