it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
