Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
