I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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