i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize