if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
