How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
If that was your dad, he is hot
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
