I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
