I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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