I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
