I think my vagina is haunted
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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