In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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