Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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