Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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