What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
