Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
