We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
