He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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