i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
