there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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