I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
